It's the HOLIDAYS....AGAIN!!

Yes, folks...it's that time of year again! When I get to have more work than a sane woman would EVER want to have! I get to cook more, clean more, drive more, plan more, bake more and swallow crap, wayyy more! I get to stand in lines to just grocery shop. Where are all of these people coming from and do they starve all year round and just show up NOW when I am attempting to check out with my groceries. And, they are on the road now too! What are they hermits, usually, but now Christmas is upon us, so here they are holding up traffic because they forgot how to drive?

Every year...every single year...I announce that I will NOT go thru all of this again next year. I tell my family, you will see, I even threaten to be in another state for the holidays. Yes, I will show them all. And, then, sadly it is upon me yet again. The absolute burden of it all.

It is the time of year that I plan for the most, more than anyone I know since I start shopping in September for it, but yet, each year my ass enjoys a nice hardy kicking from it!! WHY??WHY??WHY???

And, my favorite part of all, is how my hubby COMPLAINS about it all. Are u kidding me? The one that does the absolute least, has the nerve to complain?? Just kill me now because I have officially just lived too damn long.

As in most families, I do it all. Yes, on occasion I can guilt a kid into doing up some dishes that are too big for the dishwasher or taking out the trash. But, for the most part, this bunch is expecting to see this mom slaving over it all. I think, they actually think ...sit down for this part, that I like doing all of this! HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA....of course, I don't like it. I'm not an idiot! I've done this for enough years now to know how great it would be to have a chef show up at more door this time of year!

I have no choice but to do it all or there would be NO Christmas at the Koch Ranch!

So, I have decided to share my DREAM Christmas season with all of you. Ready?

Everyone will submit their Christmas list to someone...not sure who...and someone will go shopping for it all and keep track of all the receipts, gift vouchers, etc...and then wrap all of the gifts. And, please do all of this with a smile on your face! LOL

Someone will, without being asked, put up the tree and decorate the house inside and out! And, it will look fabulous!

Then, just like a dream, someone will menu plan for the holidays! and they will have a store list...

Then, suddenly out of nowhere, someone will grocery shop...probably at least 5 different times and wait in line and bring all of the shit (oh, I'm meant fixings..) home and attempt to fit them in the fridge, freezer and pantry in a neat and orderly manner.

Several days before Christmas, this dream person, will plan what time and who will be there and where we will all need to go all the way down to what tie my husband will wear to Christmas Mass. This same person, will check with ALL parties and then will coordinate the scheduling of the visits, and the planning of the massive opening of gifts and of course, the time the food will all be ready for consumption.

A few days before said "holiday" this angel-like person will begin baking, cooking, finding the right containers/pans, etc. for the massive cooking. They will begin to cook. Then, in the midst of their exhaustion, they will need to FIND places for everything to FIT.

Now, prepare for all the "why didn't u make this?" and the "I don't like it with THAT in its"...and

soon that holiday angel helper will surely want to kill herself!!

Then, comes the entertaining, eating, opening of gifts...and then the outward...trading of the gifts that have been received...among family members... that were so lovingly selected!

All the while, in my DREAM holiday, I want to sit there and enjoy the meals, the company, the gifts and to have someone WAIT on me and not do one single dish or worry that something is not HOT enough for someone!

Merry Christmas to all....it's time for me to wake up...and get my butt moving to make sure we have a Christmas around here!!

Last Chicks Preparing For College At My House

We've been shopping, packing, and planning in order to assist our twins with their upcoming move-in to their dorm at ASU. The list feels and looks endless. These girls actually thought I would buy them everything on this list. LOL I am not funding their move into their first apartment home here! So, I decided to teach them a little "outside of the box" thinking for this upcoming adventure.

I began with, what is on their list that I have in my home, that I would like a NEW one of this item? Thus, it began...with the coffee maker! I have hated this coffee maker since day one. Mallory selected it at the store, she just loved it! Guess what? Mallory can just take it with her to college and she can just LOVE it there! I bought a new coffee maker.

They needed towels, wash clothes, hand towels. Ok, I admit it...once they picked the cutest shower curtain ever, we had to buy some towels to match! So, we did. But, then I went thru my collection of towels and donated them a big pile of those. I still have plenty so no loss there. And, my linen closet is beginning to look like TWO people live here...which is pretty nice! LOL.

On to other items...like bedding. They selected their bedding. Thank goodness it comes with all the stuff they need! Then they selected a back rest for their beds. I fast forward in my head and wonder what those will look like the first time they get drunk and well, vomit all over them! I guess they will then be trash and I will receive some stupid story about how they were defective and a hole came out of nowhere and they were literally forced to throw them away..thus throwing away my money at the same time. Poof!

Now comes the dishes! In case you were worried, they selected a lovely RED set of dishes! Luckily for me, one of their roommates had attended culinary school so she will come equipped with her kitchen products. Fine by me! I hope she cooks for my kids, too!

Of course, these bums needed school clothes and supplies, too! I will say they are happy they have their own blender to take along. There you go! Priorities are officially in place!

They are not happy that I have not provided them with a vacuum. Since, maybe ...once a month at my house, I hear them even start mine up to do their rooms...I'm not so worried about it. But, you see, they found a pink one online! Too bad/too sad, I say! All that is going to do is poof away more money and then it will sit in their closet somewhere and maybe get pulled out once a month! They can borrow one and in return, loan out that blender they so loving took along! You see, this is all part of my outside of the box thinking here!

They needed glasses. Well, ok on that one because I wanted a new set! LOL So, I bought a new set for me and gave them the old ones. Their just gonna break them anyway...we all know it. Or something is going to stick to them soo badly and grow mold that they will have to pitch them anyway. So, I say, why pitch new glasses, that just seems wrong. LOL...

Right now their rooms are full up with plastic bins with their CRAP in them and they are very excited to get started on this new journey.

And, then you have my husband, who can only think of one thing right now. Since we have had five daughters through our doors here at the koch ranch, he is now officially happy once our house is empty with the last of these girls off to college, to lounge around in his underwear. No kidding! What is he, Al Bundy? It seems this was some hidden dream of his. Who knew? So, I will allow this craziness for all of one weeks time after the twins move up to their dorms, but then it will be over. He can have his little dream but then it will be done or he will be sitting in his underwear in his nice, leather recliner in a one room shack in El Mirage!!

What am I looking forward to? I may officially be able to make dinner without questions regarding someone else's life, or I may actually read more than one page at a time in a book without interruption or I could go for a walk without someone wanting to know why and when will I be back or I could take a class, something just for me and me alone! I don't know how to be a "ME" person, but maybe this is the time in my life to just give it a shot? I will be able to go anywhere in my house and begin a project, or a phone call without any questions or any interruptions with what SOMEONE else may need at that time! It's almost too good to be true.

But, the reality will set in quickly when my phone begins buzzing now from two more daughters out of the house texting questions, venting about their days, scaring me half to death with a sudden health issue...that within 20 mins seems to disappear when they received an offer to go OUT with friends...or boyfriend issues.(like, "I can't believe HE dumped ME, I'm the BEST thing that EVER happened to HIM!")....or dorm roommates issues...or God forbid..."I hate it here, I want to come home"..issues! :( Of course, hubby gets NONE of the texts...nope...I'm special you know...those texts...they are just for ME and me alone!! And, when a chick moves on from the Koch ranch...I can get as many as 100 of them in ONE day until I threaten that party that I am going to literally climb thru the wireless world of texts and choke them if they don't stop it!

I will post how this new journey unfolds...hopefully there will be days that I get to read a few pages of a book without the phone buzzing off about something! We shall see!

Desert Plant Guide | Desert Plant Information - Cactus Help - Desert Gardening - Organic Seeds

Desert Plant Guide | Desert Plant Information - Cactus Help - Desert Gardening - Organic Seeds

Throw Away The Crystal Ball

You know....no mother wants to be right about anything that will upset their child! But, for some reason...our kids...as do most...often times think they KNOW everything. I'm sure they wonder how we...their parents..ever made it down the road alone. LOL...

I actually wish I were WRONG more often regarding our many daughters. I think if I were wrong more, they would get hurt in their daily lives less! I end up right and they end up disappointed in whatever it is that has happened to them.

I'm no young chick...LOL...and I think my almost 55 years should count for something. Much like a HUGH store credit or something...within my world. However, when it comes to our children..it counts for nothing. I have heard that when the parent is 65-70 years old...the adult child eventually gives them credit for knowing a few things in life...just in time to slap their ass in a nursing home down the road.

At any rate, I have this talent...that I can ...effectively...smell a rat! Yep, I can smell a rat, alright. And, I can also, almost always, tell when I am being lied to. So, I saw how my daughter's friend treated her in the past and how she was nasty and how she was NOT to be trusted and my daughter...parted ways with her. I move to AZ and next thing you know, she is friends again. Yep, I want to vomit! I warn...said daughter...to be careful...u know...this road has sucked in the past, dear! Remember now, I, the parent...know nothing! So, this daughter of mine, doesn't listen...and decides ....are u ready...??? She moves in with the idiot! Yes, she does! Now, here it is...just a few months later and this roommate of hers now has NO job and is actually a filthy pig as far as their living space is concerned. Keep in mind, my daughter is no clean machine...so just imagine...how dirty this girl has to BE to tick my kid off about it!

Now, I feel bad....I was right...my kid is avoiding this idiot by changing when she comes and goes to her apartment so as not to run into her, etc....and again...Mom here was right...kid was wrong..and there are NO WINNERS for this category today!! :(

Are You A Hoarder Or Just Plain Lazy?

We've all seen the hoarder shows on television. I will admit that I have great difficulty feeling sorry for these people...and many times, find myself calling names out to the tv! LOL...I'm sure..there are a SMALL percentage of these folks that are experiencing deep mental issues that really need some immediate care and help from family and loved ones. But, come on now people...say it with me...most of the rest of them are just plain LAZY!!

Isn't it something that no matter how messy the home is...they always, always seem to have a special spot where they can SIT!!! I could see if they have trouble moving around or are wheel-chair bound, etc...but it's hard to watch. The reason it is so hard to watch is that the FIX for it is so very simple so there is really no reason for anyone to ever live like this!

Here's the fix for all of you hoarders out there:

Grab a trash bag and begin throwing things away...there has to be SOMETHING in that huge mess you have created that you can part with...a pizza box? a paper towel roll? a newspaper...that you will never read?

and so it begins...it is this type of small step that will put any hoarder on the right track!

I often wonder when I see these folks that are hoarding if they are just doing it for the attention...be it..not the best attention to receive...but at least something?

I, for one...as I clean up my home, bathtubs, showers, toilets, dishes, floors, do yard work...often feel...under appreciated..so in my mind...I wonder what my family would do if they arrived home to find everything we owned in huge piles throughout the family room? I suspect some yelling would be involved for sure. My husband would probably tolerate it for a few days...thinking that I was temporarily ill or something...but after a week or two...I have a feeling I would be homeless!

No one likes to clean constantly...but these hoarders...stopped "cleaning" years ago! I can't believe they are not really ill from the smells and germs of their homes! But, even a hoarder, that claims to be unable to part with things can donate items to Goodwill or friends...and not have to live like they are living.

So, I say...as someone that doesn't sit in one chair all day...with a zero value outlook...that it just takes grabbing a trash bag...and doing just a little to make things way better for yourself!

Children

I often times wonder....if they would ever miss me should a truck hit me some day? Will they really miss me or will they just miss my helping them, or my cupcakes I make or wish they had gotten that potato salad recipe from me that my Mom taught me how to make?

I'd love to be a fly on the wall...see how they react...???

I'm sure one will truly miss me...out of 5 daughters...but you never know. I'd like to think the grandkids would miss me...but you never know.

I wonder if, perhaps, as many parents...maybe I try to fix things for them a little too quickly. Perhaps next time there is a problem or an issue, maybe I should tell them that I am sure THEY will work it all out and that I have to go because I have a golf date! I bet some parents talk like this, why can't I? Because I am that idiot that stops what I am doing and immediately tries my best to help them. As most Mom's know, the thank you's are not showing up like they should. Is it because they are busy than I am and have no time to thank anyone for anything. Or is it just that I have done what was expected as a mother, so then, no thank you is really required in their minds.

I just don't know but I do know that I don't feel appreciated nearly enough. Maybe, it's because I was born in June under the sign of Cancer and maybe I am just too sensitive about everything. I don't know. I feel like I try to do the best I can for my daughters, but somehow, I always walk away feeling I failed them. They don't say that, of course, I just feel it inside of me. Oh, well, maybe I should give them a survey to fill out on my performance. Give me a 10 if the meal you just consumed in record speed was to your liking. Or give me a 10 if I babysat long enough for you today. How about a 10 if I researched something for you on Google today because you thought you were too busy to do it, and my time has no value. Perhaps a 10 if I loaned you my car, or allowed you to move back in with me, or loaned you money, or picked you up at the mall or at a friend's house, or drove you to school each day, or brought home your favorite foods from the grocery store?

Just maybe, my mother surveys would come back okay? One never really knows!

Freaking hose, drivers going thru red lights & shit that doesn't work!

So.....I buy this new garden hose....because the old one kept kinking up like crazy and then began leaking. I guess this is about the 8th time I have used it....yep.....it sucks, too!

Red lights....am I the only one that actually STOPS at them anymore?? Every single time...someone runs a red light and I am around them...big surprise here...they are on their cell phone. I swear...and remember where you HEARD this....should someone...anyone hit MY Escalade...and they are ON a cell phone...if I am able...I am getting out of my car...and I swear I am gonna beat them with their own phone!

Under shit that doesn't work right....well....no time for the list now...but I would love to run a quality control panel for ALL household items. Enough said!

Bad day....hardly anything went right.