Yes, folks...it's that time of year again! When I get to have more work than a sane woman would EVER want to have! I get to cook more, clean more, drive more, plan more, bake more and swallow crap, wayyy more! I get to stand in lines to just grocery shop. Where are all of these people coming from and do they starve all year round and just show up NOW when I am attempting to check out with my groceries. And, they are on the road now too! What are they hermits, usually, but now Christmas is upon us, so here they are holding up traffic because they forgot how to drive?
Every year...every single year...I announce that I will NOT go thru all of this again next year. I tell my family, you will see, I even threaten to be in another state for the holidays. Yes, I will show them all. And, then, sadly it is upon me yet again. The absolute burden of it all.
It is the time of year that I plan for the most, more than anyone I know since I start shopping in September for it, but yet, each year my ass enjoys a nice hardy kicking from it!! WHY??WHY??WHY???
And, my favorite part of all, is how my hubby COMPLAINS about it all. Are u kidding me? The one that does the absolute least, has the nerve to complain?? Just kill me now because I have officially just lived too damn long.
As in most families, I do it all. Yes, on occasion I can guilt a kid into doing up some dishes that are too big for the dishwasher or taking out the trash. But, for the most part, this bunch is expecting to see this mom slaving over it all. I think, they actually think ...sit down for this part, that I like doing all of this! HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA....of course, I don't like it. I'm not an idiot! I've done this for enough years now to know how great it would be to have a chef show up at more door this time of year!
I have no choice but to do it all or there would be NO Christmas at the Koch Ranch!
So, I have decided to share my DREAM Christmas season with all of you. Ready?
Everyone will submit their Christmas list to someone...not sure who...and someone will go shopping for it all and keep track of all the receipts, gift vouchers, etc...and then wrap all of the gifts. And, please do all of this with a smile on your face! LOL
Someone will, without being asked, put up the tree and decorate the house inside and out! And, it will look fabulous!
Then, just like a dream, someone will menu plan for the holidays! and they will have a store list...
Then, suddenly out of nowhere, someone will grocery shop...probably at least 5 different times and wait in line and bring all of the shit (oh, I'm meant fixings..) home and attempt to fit them in the fridge, freezer and pantry in a neat and orderly manner.
Several days before Christmas, this dream person, will plan what time and who will be there and where we will all need to go all the way down to what tie my husband will wear to Christmas Mass. This same person, will check with ALL parties and then will coordinate the scheduling of the visits, and the planning of the massive opening of gifts and of course, the time the food will all be ready for consumption.
A few days before said "holiday" this angel-like person will begin baking, cooking, finding the right containers/pans, etc. for the massive cooking. They will begin to cook. Then, in the midst of their exhaustion, they will need to FIND places for everything to FIT.
Now, prepare for all the "why didn't u make this?" and the "I don't like it with THAT in its"...and
soon that holiday angel helper will surely want to kill herself!!
Then, comes the entertaining, eating, opening of gifts...and then the outward...trading of the gifts that have been received...among family members... that were so lovingly selected!
All the while, in my DREAM holiday, I want to sit there and enjoy the meals, the company, the gifts and to have someone WAIT on me and not do one single dish or worry that something is not HOT enough for someone!
Merry Christmas to all....it's time for me to wake up...and get my butt moving to make sure we have a Christmas around here!!
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